the reasons why i am stupid

yes, i realised i am stupid (it took me tis long to realise while my parents knew it long time):

• I never confess my love for any guy in my life. Even if i did, it must have been the most pathetic thing ever cos i'll never have the guts. The most I'll do is tell my friends. The entire world will know I like him, BUT him (i know)
• I always end up with so much of regrets ESPECIALLY aft knowing he had same feelings. only thing is, he is already attached and it was a 3-yrs-ago crush (bleah).
• I end up with guys who are perverts. (sucks...totally)
• I never treasured guys who took good care of me and end up hurting them because I thought they weren't sincere. (u can't blame me! i tot they reali were!)
• I give in too much to someone I love, they take advantage of me. (I wouldn't mind travelling miles just to see him for 5 mins)
• I never exactly had a "real" relationship b4 which makes me feel more hopeless.
• I check out all the guys in the world, but I can hardly grow feelings for any of them. It's nt easy. (i muz b abnormal)
• I am searching for true love though I know it doesn't exist anymore in tis universe
• I find all guys fake
• I am too cautious
• I have no guts

i might juz die single

if gals could grow beard, i would have grown one by now... i might also start drinking alcohol excessively... maybe become a smoke machine too...

i've got tis bad feeling that the guy will nt have any idea and i'll just see him go wit another woman and i'll date many men and kill my years like this.

pathetic

yes, pls call me dumb & a coward...
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yes me... hello! yes... this gal here is a coward...

Shameni is such a coward...
she got no guts...nthing... she's a complete zero

all she knows is how to work and how to study
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but dnt knw anything else...

stupid gal

in life, u need to fight

I've argued wit my manager so many times... for deducting my pay all the time... now i've argued again to give me a pay rise... but he's not helping me... he keeps coming up wit all sorts of excuses and his own terms and conditions which is driving me crazy... instead, he told me if i wan more pay, I've to work extra hours... frm an 8 hour shift, it has become a 12 hr shift...

well, it may sound easy... cashier... but u dont get break AT ALL... u dont get to sit AT ALL... and u have to constantly greet customers and attend to every single details. You have to check for expiry dates, you have to do ticketing (changing price tags), u have to process bill payments and topping up services like cash cards & ez-link ( i get like 40 bills on av per shift and it reali annoys me so much), u need to face all the most unreasonable customers and mind u, it's only a convenience store... nt a 5 star hotel where u pay service charge, lost of cigarettes and service items u're accountable for it. short of money u're accountable for it.

and all this i'm getting only $3.50/HR. Seriously, i m getting omost nthin at the end of the mth... phone bill accumulating and i've gt other expenses as well... i'm doing as much as the full time staff yet wen i asked for an increment, he brushes it off...

therefore, i am going to the higher authority to do smething abt it... it's certainly nt fair... i muz fight for it or i'll juz leave...

i realised, in life, we need to fight for wat we want... ask and u shall b given... if u're gonna keep quiet, everyone gonna eat u...

but there's only one issue in my life that i can't ask... and dare not ask....
i wonder if he even have thoughts about me or am i juz another girl in his eyes...

two issues i need to tackle...

mayanginen sollu thayanginen

the song in my blog says it all...

condoms

I never grew tired toking abt it or my classmates listening to it over and over again...

condoms

yes, the art of buying a condom.

u rush in, grab ur choice, place it at the counter and look elsewhere pretending to be interested wat's going on outside the store. u stuff it into ur pocket and out u go like a rocket.

or

u place a box on the counter, grap wateva sweet within ur reach and make urself look like u were der not for the condom alone.

or

u buy as many stuffs as possible.. so many tat wen u place it on the counter u throw all ur stuffs on top of the condom so no one can see it...

or

u stand der as long as possible figuring which wld b a better choice cos there's juz that MANY! seriously...

the most popular choice is featherlite, Durex... it sells off fast. the old man will usually choose the cheapest one der... the ladies gts attracted to all the pink boxes available... the other choice is usualy "performance".

it's really interesting to watch the behaviours of my customers. it's like watching a movie... =P

have u ever been stuck between two people and feel obligated to both?
i have
today... oh man! it's tough...
B needs help and is calling u over but A is stopping u... B really needs your help because he's in a tough situation but A tell u not to. You cant choose wat to do cos either gts upset.

B smses saying he's very upset. me feels sad. A is stubborn. B says he dnt wanna do anything wit us. me is more sad. A is still stubborn.

tis is so ridiculous. fight among colleagues. madness.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SELVAM!

I know u will read my blog...

and so.......

here are my heartfelt wishes for your birthday:

May u be blessed with peace,joy,happiness,good health,wealth and lotsa lotsa love!

Have fun!

tomygraves

icouldbeopenwithmyfeelings
mythoughts
butidonthaveanyguts
tosayit
itrytomoveon
bygoingondates
butitsnothelpingme
causemymindiselsewhere
thinkingaboutit
imbetrayingmyfriendship
bykeepingmumaboutit
thinkingimsavingittosavemyegoand
pride
thoughiknowmenotgonnagainoutofit
butseehimgowithanotherwoman
ofhischoice
livingwithregrets
historyisrepeatingitself
andichoosetoremainlikethis
cause
theresnoreasontomybehaviour
insteadtokeepitwithme
andbringittomygraves

if.u.r.single.

FLIRT!!! U see, no point u finding for love wen the person doesnt give u a thought... so might as well enjoy every single moment being single, check out ALL the guys who walk pass u and checks u out too... it's so fun and it's so refreshing! LOL! and the best part of it all is... they pass u their numbers!
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But deep down, i wish he have thoughts about me...cos heart is one, mind is another... we're human afterall...

it's too late to apologies...

it's too late...wat's done cannot be undone... it will become my foolishness if i accept the apology and pretend tat nthin happened...no point dwelling on the past and correcting it wen u're gonna live wit doubts...

enough...

i'm scared...

i'm scared... shit scared... i dnt know wat is happening to my fren... he gt hospitalised again..and he's vomiting blood all d time...i dnt know wat to do...i've gt tis bad feeling...

i'm lost...i dnt know wat to do...! i can't lose a fren...

i'm so tired

seriously very tired... my body is so weak I feel so giddy each time I move...
i hope it's nt happening again...
i'm gonna fall sick i think...

makes me wonder...

Sometimes in life, u wonder about a lot of things... why it has to happen in such way... why u have to meet such person... why did it happen to u and not someone else... or why did it happen to ur fren.. etc... the list goes on... out mind is always wondering... simple things like, why isnt the bus here yet... why am i here instead of some where else... why hasnt my fren replied my sms or return call... is he/she ok... did anything happen etc... Phew! the tot of it makes me wonder now why am i typing this out...



I was having a long conversation wit my very good fren on the phone and made me wonder a lot of things... how much a guy can love a gal so much... the pain he had to go thru is immense... "accidently" falling from 11 storey, waiting for hours wit flowers and gift bt she ddnt turn up cos she was clubbing wit some other guys... so many stuff... too many to name here... yet he still loves her... yearning for her love... for her warmth... yet she doesn't seem to care...



He asked me, "Shameni, is it possible to fall in love wit another gal if I were to leave tis gal".

Interesting qn and i was surprised to wat i've answered to tat.

"Nand, it is possible to fall in love wit another gal because watever quality u're looking for in tis gal, another gal may have it and she will love u more den u would love her. Go for someone who loves u more den u love her cos tat's wen u will start appreciating it and fall deeply in love wit tis whole... although it's not easy to forgot ur current love, it is possible to move on but it's only the matter of time."



He tot i made some sense... but he finds it too difficult to move on simply... of cos he cant... no one can... memories will haunt u... but den again, it makes u a better person... a stronger person that u will know wat to look out for... not repeat the same mistakes... not to b dumb again and to love her again... each moment of his life... making both happy...



After having a conversation wit my fren, I realised how lucky I am to be single and free... i dnt have to go thru any pain... I can concentrate on my stuff and be who I am... enjoy the company of my frens and be a free bird... i am nt tied down as yet and be whoever I wanna be...



But den again, if i ever get lucky (which I never am) meet some nice guy and hopefully for a life long r/s and no more dates...

Upper Seletar Reservoir

Upper Seletar Reservoir is the most beautiful place i've ever seen... very green, peaceful and romantic... nice place to relax... here are the pic i took while I was there...

And odd looking tree... Botak... LOL!

let bygones be bygones...

Sometimes as much as u try to forget the past

it keeps coming back to haunt u

to remind you the times u miss

and wanting that moment back so desperately

and all u get is a sense of loneliness

no matter how much u try brushing it off

from ur mind

it stubbornly stays there

making u feel so miserable

full of regrets

wishing u could turn back time

to rectify those moments

to retrieve the friendship

i have lost...

Let bygones be bygones and live in those memories
to bring a smile upon my face
the moment we've shared....

Miss you

Labour Day

That song on my media is a song I rarely get to hear... Beautiful song... and I heard this in Sugmad's blog so i've decided to have it in my blog too... really beautiful...
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Last Wed was a fun day... Was mugging the whole day.... but tat evening, we went to West Coast for pinic with my neighbours... It was reali fun... had loads of FOOD! Yum! ate till we nearly burst... loads of junk food and not forgetting, loads of laughter! we couldnt stop laughing and the dare we have to do was hillarious... Poor Suzanna... hahahah! but she was so sporting... it was a simple yet a fun night out...
Errr... oh well....

Kelvin... my neighbour who looks older den me cos of his hght! someone getting enlisted soon!

Kelvin's cousin.... same pose as her other cousin below... Melissa... LOL!

Melissa looks alot like Suzanna...

we trying to take tis pic for so long.... to get all of us in the pic at a different distance...

Here w/o Kelvin... and my sis (who hpn to be sleeping... as usual)...

My bro was out of the snap...

Me and Edwin were out... LOL!

ahhhHhhh... crazzy me again...

Edwin was so determined to build tis despite it falling alot of time...

all the lazy people... like my mom... hahhaa!

Uno Stack-O became some construction... LOL!

we've been mugging...

Geez! my exams are going on... can't wait to get it over and done with... Been mugging alot (not sure if everything i've studied got thru my tiny winy brain)... well, atleast i tried... LOL! been meeting up with Jivs alot since she's oso having her exams and lives so close... been going to sch alot too to meet up wit my classmates to study, esp macroecons *shudders* the module all of us wanna void... and tis is juz the beginning...

Now one down... 3 more to go and it's over with 2 whole months of holiday! which means i can make more $$$, go out more and have loads of fun!!! Weeeeee!!! I gonna start booking my frens... LOL!

We've studied everywhere... literally... Coffee Bean, under the block,MacDonald etc...

Jivs took that pic of me writing... haha! And she's going MAD! all of us going mad...

I think she looks really cool here... like an attitude... she looks juz like her brother here...

That's John... cute eh? he thinks he's a romeo... always looking at gals and drags me along to canteen to check dem out... sigh!

Tat's Siritone from Thailand and Angelina from Msia... the chap behind is from Indonesia... an International sch... haha!

Julian and John... and those are my shades.... we do crazy stuffs besides studying... and tat guy behind, is from Myammar...

by Friday, I will be over wit my exams! more like Thurs since the paper on Fri is nt tat important... 3 more days!

trafficking and exploitation

Guys, check out this video... I was watching MTV and came across tis video and it kinda affected me so much... And pls read the following as well... or atleast watch the video to get the idea...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xHfBAKMcCc

Radiohead, one of the world's top bands, has joined the MTV EXIT (End Exploitation and Trafficking) campaign, a partnership between the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) and MTV to raise awareness about human trafficking. The collaboration takes the Asia MTV EXIT campaign to a global audience, reaching as many as 560 million households worldwide.

"Radiohead is taking MTV EXIT to a new level and expanding the Asia campaign, which is on air, online and on the ground," said Olivier Carduner, USAID's Regional Mission Director for Asia.

As part of this effort, Radiohead is releasing a music video on MTV tomorrow (May 1) to the track All I Need, from its album In Rainbows. Filmed by Oscar-winning cinematographer John Seale ("The English Patient") and award-winning director Steve Rogers, the video depicts a day in the life of both an affluent youngster and a child making shoes in a sweatshop, sending a message that everyone plays a role in trafficking and exploitation.

Radiohead is also inviting anti-trafficking organizations to distribute information about human trafficking at their upcoming concert tour through North America, Europe and Asia. "It is cool that MTV is taking on this issue. The video is a powerful piece, and I hope that the emotion of the song will jump out at people in the context of these images of exploitation," said Radiohead's Thom Yorke.

MTV is looking for innovative ways to present important issues such as human trafficking to its audience, said Bill Roedy, Vice Chairman MTV Networks. "Trafficking is a crime that violates the basic rights of its victims: the rights to freedom, equality, and dignity."

The USAID Regional Development Mission in Asia is working with MTV to raise awareness about the causes and consequences of human trafficking in the region. USAID-funded documentaries Traffic and Sold have been broadcast throughout Asia, are posted on the MTV EXIT website (www.mtvexit.org), and are distributed rights-free in DVD format. Plans to take the campaign to rural and urban areas in Asia are underway.

USAID is funding the production of the MTV EXIT films for Asia. Top Asian pop and film stars, including Lucy Liu ("Charlie's Angels," "Ally McBeal"), Rain of South Korea, Tata Young of Thailand, Lara Dutta of India, Christian Bautista of the Philippines and Kris Dayanti of Indonesia have volunteered to narrate the films in their native languages and in English.

The campaign capitalizes on their images and MTV's brand appeal, transforming people's views about trafficking and exploitation and provides a platform for NGOs, governments and law enforcement agencies to prevent trafficking and assist victims.

MTV EXIT television programming is produced rights-free and is free of charge for all broadcasters and organizations. The programming is also available to be streamed and downloaded from http://www.mtvexit.org.

For more information on USAID and its programs to combat human trafficking around the world, visit http://www.usaid.gov.